If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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