I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
