I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
