I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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