i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
