You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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