He uses pillows to masturbate.
love makes seman taste better
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize