I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize