I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
