actually, I'm a sock model
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
