Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
