Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
