Already got asked if we're dating
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
