im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
false alarm. still invincible.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
