I will die if light touches me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize