He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
