Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
