i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
