I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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