Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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