Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
