im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
