How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
