doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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