We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
