Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
