im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
cat food counts as protein by the way
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
