Sponge bath it is.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
