every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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