I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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