why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize