Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize