think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
