So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
