hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
