i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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