Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
