oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
