Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
