i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
