i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
