When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
