if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
