Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
