Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sorry my hands just texted you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
