Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
