When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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