i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
