so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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