I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
