after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
