I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
