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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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