see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
