he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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