So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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