i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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