She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
