What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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