There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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