Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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