The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
