You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
