my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
