Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
