did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
