Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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