Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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