So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
