Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize