At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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