I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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