So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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