I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize