How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
