My room smells like vodka and shame
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
