You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i out mim tonsoeep
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