I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
