i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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