He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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