I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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