No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
