Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
