I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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