would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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