Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
