Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
