she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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