i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
