I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
