the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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