Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
