I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
