yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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