You can't special order awesome
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
