I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
