She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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