Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
