It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
