i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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